You want more. Something keeps stopping you.

One of these is usually the one running the show.

• Nervoussystem

  The Overloaded

  “On the outside I’m coping. Inside, everything feels like too much.”

  You hold it together in public and come apart in private. The load isn’t really the problem, it’s that nothing in you ever gets the signal it’s safe to put it down.

  I can see elements of all of these in my day to day life, at work and in relationships. What’s different now is that I can identify which state I’m in and reframe it to self-soothe what’s coming up, without talking myself out of it. I’ve started a side business, launched a podcast, taken up self defence, taken my first solo holiday, and I’m moving into a role I chose to build towards my business.

  Relina, HR business partner

• Emotionalsystem

  The Overgiver

  “However much I do, some part of me still isn’t convinced I’m worth it.”

  You give first, and you give past the point where it costs you. None of it settles the question underneath, whether you’d still be worth it if you stopped.

  I was overgiving in a role that didn’t pay me what I was worth and wasn’t building towards anything I actually wanted. Leaving was harder than I expected. There was grief in it, and some shame about how long I’d stayed. Once I’d worked through that I got clear on what I’m actually building. I’m now in a job where I’m valued, and I chose it deliberately because it develops the skills I need for my consultancy.

  Katrina, engineer and business process consultant

• Intuitivesystem

  The Second-Guesser

  “I knew. I knew before I did it, and I talked myself out of it anyway.”

  You get the read early, and it’s usually right. Then you go looking for reasons not to trust it, and by the time you’ve built the case the moment has moved.

  For a long time I knew I wanted to leave my workplace, but I kept second guessing myself. It was an environment where I didn’t feel safe, and I couldn’t leave. I kept telling myself it would be OK if I proved my value. The thing that’s changed most is that I’ve stopped trying to prove my worth.

  Lyn, head of marketing and marketing consultant

• Cognitivesystem

  The Planner

  “I’ve had the plan for months. It’s still a plan.”

  You’ve done the thinking, and the thinking is good. But planning has quietly become the thing you do instead of the thing you planned.

  For years I wanted to leave my marital home and build my business, and I just couldn’t do it. I knew what to do and I couldn’t take the action. Since working with Amen I’ve got engaged, my business has about three times more clients, and I’m moving home by the end of the year. The biggest thing I’ve realized is that I don’t have to go round and round in my head trying to think everything through. I can feel what’s right.

  Sharon, photographer

• Energysystem

  The Empty Tank

  “I still want it. There’s just nothing left to give it.”

  The wanting is still there. What’s gone is the fuel, because you’ve spent years running on obligation and almost nothing has come back the other way.

  I’d always done the same kind of work, knowing there was more I was supposed to do, and I just couldn’t start. I was busy, I was giving to everyone, I felt financially responsible for my whole family and I never received anything for myself. After so many years I was numb. Releasing the emotions and grieving was the most important piece. That’s what let me start saying no to other people and yes to myself. I’ve launched my business, which was just an idea I thought I’d never do, and I have my first client.

  Amanda, operations director

Most people recognize themselves in more than one. That’s normal, and it’s exactly why the order matters. Work on the wrong one first and nothing holds.

These are individual clients sharing their own experience, used with permission. Some names have been changed at their request, and the photographs are stock images, not the people quoted. Each describes their own result after months of one to one coaching, not a result of this quiz. These experiences are not typical and are not a promise of what you will experience.